It Happened Today

“Don't wish me happiness
I don't expect to be happy all the time...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Olympics Effect

Our family and most of our fiends are Olympics obsessed, or maybe I am Olympics obsessed and I am making it up about the rest just for validation. Whichever is the actual truth it seems that I am not alone. Everywhere I look there is Olympics news.

What does being Olympics obsessed offer:
1. An excuse to sit inside on a beautiful day and watch TV
2. An excuse to take Couch Potato to Olympic levels - so far I am in the money for the Gold Medal for time spent potatoing on my couch. I promise to cry when they play the National Anthem.
3. An excuse to go out and get all amped up to exercise (during the local news so you don't get any spoilers). For me it's swimming laps - in my mind I am swimming just like Missy Franklin or Katie Ledecky, in reality I am pooped after two lengths.
4. An excuse to let your children watch as much TV as they want with no consequences - "Oh you're watching the Olympics, and not Jersey Shore, excellent."
5. An excuse to, while watching the Olympic swimmers compete in any race, lean over to your son/daughter who are swimmers and say, "If you apply yourself a little more maybe you could compete in the Olympics one day."
6. An excuse to feel a kinship to the parents of Olympic athletes who are televised showing the emotional roller coaster every parent feels when their child competes in anything - even the friendly game of catch in the backyard.
7. An excuse to, when it's all over, realize that you ignored your dog, neighbors, emails, bills and life in general to watch some patriotic and global magic and it was worth every second.

Going for the Gold,
Magda

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Forever Young

Every day I look forward to reading the comic strip ZITS by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman. The main character in this amusing snapshot of life with teenagers is Jeremy Duncan, a 16 year old high school freshman who is a good kid, intelligent, and kind. Yet, he still has an attitude one would expect from a teenager whose monosyllabic answers and crazy ideas of how life works befuddles his poor parents. The website tells us that the authors are parents themselves and they draw upon their own experiences. I am convinced they have some secret James Bond like camera connected to my house.



In the past I have shared some of the experiences we have in our house full of teenagers, much to the chagrin of the teenagers we have in our house. I am thankful that Zits exists because it makes me feel normal. The comic is meant to be funny and give insight on the crazy hormonally challenged emotional lives of teenagers. It also gives a snap shot of us struggling parents who try to make sense of this "phase" of our children's lives as we try to impart some life lessons, all the while keeping our own sense of life (and humor) intact.

Recently I have had parents of younger children, who are coached by my older children, come up to me and say, "We just love your children, we hope our kids grow up to be like them." I smile and say "Thank You" but what I really want to say is, "Would you like to take one home?" Or "I'll Trade you, your three for mine." Of course I would never trade my children in, as tempting as it seems. Who would I fight with over the importance of a made bed in the morning?

Thanks to Erma Bombeck we are told not to sweat the small stuff. I have tried. I know much of what I sweat over with my kids is small stuff but for some reason I feel as if I am imparting some big picture wisdom on them with the small stuff and many times I have failed to get the message across to them. I know life does not work this way but some times I get so caught up in every day life I seem to miss the big picture myself.

Bob Dylan wrote a beautiful song titled, "Forever Young". In case you are unfamiliar with this song (and it's not the Rod Stewart Version) I am giving the lyrics below. Bob Dylan's words are as truthful to what I want for my children as any words I have ever heard/seen. I try to tell them these things but we have hit the teenage years where they know everything and we, their parents, know nothing.

If  I could get my kids to listen to me I would say, "Every time we disagree always remember these are my wishes for you."
Forever Young
Lyrics by Bob Dylan

May God bless and keep you always
may your wishes all come true.
May you always do for others
and let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
and climb on every rung
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
may you grow up to be true.
May you always know the truth
and see the light inside of you.
May you always be courageous
stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
may your feet always be swift.
May you have a strong foundation
when the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful
and may your song always be sung.
May you stay Forever Young.
May you Stay Forever Young

And may you do so with clean teeth and clothes (especially underwear) and a well made bed.

Magda
(or in this case, Mom)

My favorite audio version of this song is sung by Audra Mae and the Forest Rangers - no offense to Bob Dylan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaPEe4EwTEU&feature=related

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Keep it Simple

Life is complicated and unpredictable.

I am the Queen of self-imposed craziness. I volunteer too much, say "Yes, I will do that", way to often and over think just about everything - Not really a good plan.

Here is my new plan of action.
Miss someone?.......................Call them.
Want to see someone?............Invite them over.
Feeling misunderstood?...........Explain.
Have questions?......................Ask
Feeling uncomfortable?...........Walk away.
Don't like something?..............Say it.
Like something?......................State it.
Want something?....................Ask for it.
Love someone?......................Tell them.

We only go around once. Keep it simple.

  Magda

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

No Judgement Here

I am still processing all the hoopla over Anne-Marie Slaughter's article in July's Atlantic Monthly about not being able to "Have it All" or "To Do it All." The whole concept of women needing to prove we can do it all or that anyone needs to have it all perplexes me. For the record, I am not judging her choices or her need to share her experiences. I just don't get it.

Why, you may ask, don't I get it? For me it is quite simple. If you have choices then you have it all. You can choose to do it all, or just do some of it, or do something one day and then do something else the next day, month, or year or not do anything. The key is you have a choice.

There are so many women in the world you have no choice over what they can do or can have. They either live in a culture where they are oppressed and have no real choices, literally non, Or they live a life where they have no choice but to work because they are the sole providers for their families.

Most women I know, me included, have MANY choices. I feel extremely lucky. Frankly, there are days when I feel I have to do it all and I hate those days. I am always trying to delegate things to others. I know I take on too much and then I regret all I have to do. I am aware that I am not curing cancer while trying to raise a family but I don't think it really matters. There are times when our lives, or the lives of those around us, call for us to make choices. Prioritize. Pick something over another. The key is we have the luxury of choice.  Many women do not.

What, I am afraid, we are guilty of is judging each other for the choices we make or don't make. This judgement stifles people into making or not making good choices. "What will people think of me if I do or don't do what they think I should or shouldn't be doing?" We are way to hard on ourselves and each other and we definitely don't support each other enough. Oh poor Anne-Marie Slaughter, she had to give up her "Dream Job." A high powered and profile job and trade it in for another high powered and profile job that offered her more time with her family. I say, "Congratulations" to her and, Wow, isn't she lucky to have had the choice."

I think of all the women in the world who are told that they can and cannot do simple things and they have no freedoms to do the things are are called to do. They have no ability to even find out what their dream job would be because they are not allowed to work outside the home.  I think of the women who have no choice but to work hard in service jobs or jobs that still don't give them equal pay because of their gender. I think of my mom who had no choice but to work hard to provide a good home, good food and good education for her daughters. People judged her for it and they judged us for having a "working mom" back in the day when mom's worked more in the home than outside of it.

Oh, I am not done yet. What's up with the need to have it all? What is "It All?" I guess if I have to ask I don't have it. But, I actually think I do because, again, I have choices. I know for some having it all means having what everyone else has. Well that's impossible. When did "Having Enough" get replaced with "Having it All", anyway?

Tom and Katie seemingly have their "Dream Jobs" and have "It All" and look where it got them. OUCH!



I say be kind to yourselves and to others for the choices that are made. I little less judgement can go a long way.

Magda

Friday, July 6, 2012

Give Up and Live

I am a serial horoscope reader and lover of inspirational quotes. There I said it. Both of these things give me pleasure and ground me in a weird sort of way. I find myself cutting out the really accurate horoscopes and I have books full of quotes. Why? Good question. I have no idea really. It's a habit that makes me feel better and gives me cause to think.

I want to share with you all a website I have found, www.purposefairy.com
I found this where all information is shared these days, Facebook (written with a tad bit of truthful sarcasm)
Here is one of their recent posts:

Give Up and Live
Give Up the Need to Impress Others
Give Up On Your Fears
Give Up Your Self-Defeating Talk
Give Up the Past
Give Up Living Your Life to Other Peoples Expectations
Give Up Complaining
Give Up Your Resistance to Change
Give Up the Luxury of Criticism
Give Up Labels
Give Up Your Limiting Beliefs

I think all of us have our own list of things to Give Up - those things that just don't work for us anymore. It's a good practice to take time and cleanse ourselves every now and then. I liken it to a 3-5 year business plan, it's always good to renegotiate things in business - Taking this practice into our personal lives gives us the opportunity to keep moving forward with a fresh attitude and a plan for leaving the dead weight behind.

It's liberating
Magda