Reaction Action

Life isn't always about how we act but also about how we react to things.  I find myself not engaging with people as quickly as I used to because I am thinking to myself if their comments or actions actually require or deserve a reaction or a response.

It seems like a daunting task really - but actions and reactions go hand in hand. Our reactions are also actions that we take. 

When we choose to react to the person biting our head off or flicking us off on the road we are choosing to feed into their crazy. Avoiding the confrontation isn't wimpy it's smart. Some things are worth ignoring, thanks mom I finally figured THAT out! Not Reacting or reacting with silence is often a stronger response.

Reactions are our responses to things that affect us. They are and can be seen as a reflection of who we are and what we are feeling. Sometimes we let our reactions give a false picture of who we truly are and then spend time fretting about how we could have portrayed ourselves differently. I have found this is true when I am defensive in my response - this comes out especially if I am over tired.

Lately there has been much written about mindfulness. Choosing to respond rather than to react is an art that requires us to be mindful. The article below from Thin Difference seems to help put this in perspective.

http://www.thindifference.com/2013/03/07/a-mindful-difference-respond-vs-react/

Since I can't walk around and hand this out to every person who entices me to react in a way I wish I had not and until I successfully develop mindfulness I was thinking of printing a sign that I could flip out of my purse or pocket that simply says:

 "I am respectfully but deliberately 

choosing not to react or respond to you."

Of course sometimes I really wish I could hand them a sign that says something completely different...but that sign I will keep in my mind.

Respectfully,
Magda

Be Stronger than the Tribe

There is one thing that keeps presenting itself to me time after time, Although it's nice to be part of a tribe at anytime the tribe might turn on you and send you, like an outcast, into the wild. Usually when you need your tribe the most.

It happens to people in their lives over and over again. You might think you are safe with a certain group of friends or with your colleagues at work but all of a sudden, out of no where the tribe attacks sending you on a downward spiral of self doubt and isolation. Why?, What did I do? I didn't mean it that way? And there you are feeling shunned, unappreciated, and alone.

We have seen this in literature, think Scarlet Letter. There was Hester Prynne, pregnant and alone, in a world of judgement and ridiculous Puritan beliefs. She was wronged and if you have read the book, which I highly recommend, you know it. She is stronger than the tribe. If you have not read the book or if you cannot get past Hawthorne's Old English style of writing (or is that Olde) then watch the movie Easy A with Emma Stone. It is a witty film about the perils of Tribe Life. It takes place in High School where bad Tribe Behavior is at its peak. It's dialogue is funny and The Tribe eats it in the end. In both book and movie the heroines stare down The Tribe. They stand up for themselves.

The way to beat the Tribe. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Be true to your self. Be authentic.
We cannot control Tribe mentality but we can control our own sense of self away from The Tribe. Look for a new Tribe. One less judgmental. One more forgiving. Be a Tribe of one for awhile. A renewed sense of self gives strength to stare down the people who are harmful in your life and helps to make way to find the ones that appreciate your talents and gifts.

Strength sometimes does not come in numbers but comes from within and from the truth of our own convictions.

Be good to yourselves.

Magda

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1282140/

The Middle

Have you ever watched the TV Show "The Middle" with Patricia Heaton?  I watch it every now and then when my life slows down enough to allow me to sit still for 30 minutes.

On May 22nd all the stars aligned and I was able to catch the season finale titled, "The Graduation." The show stars Patricia Heaton (From Everybody Loves Ray) as the mom, Frankie. She is hysterical. In this episode in particular she is smack in the middle of trying to hold on to the things she thinks she can control and trying to let go of the things she can't.  And really with kids you can't control much.

In this episode the oldest son is graduating from High School and at one point he and his mother get into a fight about the color of socks he is wearing. I have the where-with-all to call my 17 year old son into the room to watch with me.

Photo Courtesy of Esquire

Frankie (mom): "You cannot wear those white socks with your dress pants."
Axl (son): "Yes I can and I am. You can't make me change them."
Frankie: "Oh, yes I can and I will." At this point she hurdles herself on to her son's back as he is walking out the door, tackles him, and begins to strip off his shoes and socks.

I started laughing hysterically and looked over at my son who was shaking his head and smiling. (by the way I haven't seen him crack a smile in months) No words really needed to be said at that point because we both knew that we could have played out the same scene. The show was over and my son slowly got up off the couch, all 6'5" of him, and said, "Mom, I don't think you are so crazy to think you could tackle me and I probably won't be wearing any socks to graduation so you won't need to try."

Welcome to my life!

Happy Friday.
Magda

Here is the link to the episode if you find yourself with some extra time.
http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/the-middle/episode-guide/episode-424-the-graduation

Be Safe

It has been a busy spring where I have been spending more time writing and reading for school (more on that in a later post) and have had no time to write here. 

I have had time to keep up with what others are writing and sharing. 

This poem was shared on Mother's Day by my dear high school friend. It was written by the mother of another friend and sums up what believably all parents want to say to their children. 

I pass this along keeping in mind that so many are experiencing graduations, milestone birthdays, and summer adventures with their loved ones and that some, who have lost their battles with life ending diseases, wish they were still physically around to repeat this message every day.

BE SAFE
By Helen Cabrera

You’re feeling your oats.
Graduation has made you heady.
Youth is conveyed by your smile.
The world is your oyster,
Celebrate your future.

But,

Please be safe.
Take time to make good decisions.
Fast turns can lead to disaster.
You do not have the right to crash.
Your body is a projection of me.
I am yours, you are mine.
Remember that.

When you tripped as a little child,
I gathered you in my arms.
Wiping your tears,
I told you to be careful.
Now, I am telling you:

Be Safe.

You are my legacy.
You are what I leave when I leave.
Your future will make my past work.
Take care of that body,
Open that mind,
You are what I treasure.
Do not treat my treasure casually.

Do not party till no end.
Do not push too hard on the pedal.
Do not compromise yourself,
Morally or financially.

Reaching maturity is a stretch.
It must be done with patience.
It will be attained with much agony.
Choices to be made, must be made
To advance, but be cautious.
You are special,
You belong to me.

Take care of that body,
Beware of pitfalls.
Go forward with joy,
Fear not.
Know my love will go with you.

Because,
You know I love you.