When I First Understood the Meaning of Love: A Lesson I Learned From my Mother

My mother turned 91 not too long ago and she has lived an amazing, interesting and unique life.  She now lives the simple life of a woman suffering from dementia surrounded by the love and in the care of my oldest sister.

The terms of my mother’s illness have made me stop and reflect on our relationship and what I have learned from her and her life.  I keep coming back to one thing – my mom taught me the meaning of love.

I can almost pinpoint it to an exact moment in time.  It was 1977.  My mom and I were riding the Metrobus from Georgetown to our home near the Washington National Cathedral.  I was 14 years old.  At the time my mother and I were not close. We were never on the same page, literally did not speak the same language and were more than generations apart. But there we were sitting next to each other, in stone silence, on the bus.

At one of the stops three teenagers got on the bus.  They were Punk Rockers with purple hair mohawks, spiked dog collars, torn tights and clothes, straight from Commander Salamander. After they walked past I turned to my mother and stated, “Aren’t you glad I don’t dress like them?” Her response was quick. “So what if you did? Do you think I would love you any less?” I was stunned.

I was thinking she would say that she was relieved and happy I was normal. At that time in my life I was trying so hard to get her to love me by trying to be good, by conforming, by being normal. What I did not know at the time was she did love me deeply and she always would. Her response taught me to be less judgmental of others and to believe in myself because she believed in me and always would no matter how I looked or what I did.

What I also learned at that moment was how my mother loved me. Her love was beautiful, supportive and consistent. Most of all it was unconditional.

I wish I could say we stopped disagreeing and became closer after that bus ride but this is real life and I was still a teenager.  I can say that my mother never wavered from her course in the love she showed me. Once I grew up enough to understand the lesson of that moment I knew I had experienced the true meaning of love and that the gift of unconditional love was one the greatest things my mother ever gave to me.

So now I try to give the gift back to her. She doesn’t always remember who I am and I don’t spend as much time with her as I wish I could but when we are together I try to repay the love she showed me all my life by helping her through simple daily tasks unconditionally and with pleasure. In true form my mother thanks me for it all, another gift:  An unconditional thank you for an unconditional gesture of gratitude.


Thanks Mom!
Magda

Looking For a Little Inspiration

So lately I have been looking for a little inspiration.  Not the life changing kind but maybe the getting life back on track kind. I have been to the usual places, like church, the beach, Oprah (even though I can't really get into the OWN Channel) Anyway, NOTHING! I know, sad, right?  Admittingly I have felt a little like the Republican Primaries - Can't quite choose a front runner that I can stick with. 

But today, and for me right now that is Sunday at 2:48 am, I have found my inspiration and I have today's youth to thank!  I have been profoundly inspired by the youth I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by and by youth I mean the young adults who are out in the world trying to make it theirs, despite the sad state that some older adults have managed to put it in.

I will not name them by name but I thank them all the same.  I thank them for their exuberance and drive to embrace life and make it theirs.  There are young people out there brave enough to jump out of their comfort zones and take on new adventures. In following one particular youth I came across a website with this as their mantra - "What would you dare to accomplish if you knew the only possible outcome was success"  Hello Inspiration!

Yes I know every experience does not always lead to success, or does it?  As my wonderful friend and walking partner continues to remind me, it's not about the experience per se it's about what we do with each experience that matters. The success is in our hands if we only choose to see it that way.  Every experience, good or bad, can be successful if we are just brave enough to jump out of our comfort zones, no matter our age.

Keep shining!
Magda

Who You Are in Six Words – or Make it Two

The latest Facebook challenge: Write a description of yourself/your life in 6 words.  Not being one to walk away from a Facebook challenge (thinking of all the quizzes I have taken for example "which Scooby Doo character are you?) I thought I was up for the task. After some thought all I could come up with was “I Do” and to make it 6 words I wrote it 2 more times. 

What power those two words hold.  Not just the obvious nuptial promise of “in sickness and in health”, etc., but really these two words describe me to a T.  I am confident anyone who knows me will heartily agree.  

I have a new challenge – Write a description of you in two words.

This about sums up who I am and my life: I DO

I do love my family and friends.
I do the laundry.
I do the grocery shopping.
I do too much.
I do too little.
I do laugh.
I do cry.
I do love.
I do (try not to) hate.
I do believe in God.
I do go to church.
I do like to eat and drink.
I do need to lose weight.
I do love the beach.
I do get in fights with my sisters.
I do know how to apologize.
I do make mistakes.
I do (try to) learn from my mistakes.
I do my best.
I do love music.
I do miss my father.
I do hope.
I do wish for world peace.
I do try to be a better person.
I do know this list is endless.
I do know when to stop.
I do know the meaning of gratitude.
I do get the picture.
Do you?


Thanks for reading!
Magda

Twenty Years and One Card

Twenty years ago today I said "I Do".  I married a man I knew for just over a year but felt I had known all my life.  Three children, 5 houses, 3 goldfish, 1 mouse (not including the ones who keep finding their way into our house) and one dog later we are still married. Even writing those last words takes my breath away.

Every year I do the song and dance around our anniversary.  How will we celebrate? What gift do I get for him?  What, if anything, will he get me?  Will we go out to dinner? Will I have to do the planning and make the reservations, again?

This year's anniversary, our 20th, seems like a monumental milestone.  I learned long ago, and many tears, "Don't you love me enough to at least go out and buy me a card?", later, not to expect a card.  I married a man who does not believe in greeting cards, does not believe in greeting card company-made celebrations, and rarely gives a card for special occasions. I have learned to relay on this and have learned to accept it - but life is unpredictable! 

Not only did I get a card, but my 51 year old, pretty predictable, husband MADE ME A CARD! Not a folded over piece of white paper with a scribbled note in Bic pen ink - but a card stock, scrap paper, cut out hearts and all the rest, Anniversary Card..

Just yesterday I said to my daughter if you don't have preset expectations in life - life has a better chance of surprising you.  "Be open minded when you have experiences", I told her.  I don't know if I was open minded when approaching our 20th anniversary, or just realistic, but I had no expectations and a simple, hand made, thoughtful card from my sometimes unpredictable husband is the best anniversary gift I have ever received. (That is unless I actually get that ipad I have been asking for at dinner)

Thanks Honey!
Magda