No Judgement Here

I am still processing all the hoopla over Anne-Marie Slaughter's article in July's Atlantic Monthly about not being able to "Have it All" or "To Do it All." The whole concept of women needing to prove we can do it all or that anyone needs to have it all perplexes me. For the record, I am not judging her choices or her need to share her experiences. I just don't get it.

Why, you may ask, don't I get it? For me it is quite simple. If you have choices then you have it all. You can choose to do it all, or just do some of it, or do something one day and then do something else the next day, month, or year or not do anything. The key is you have a choice.

There are so many women in the world you have no choice over what they can do or can have. They either live in a culture where they are oppressed and have no real choices, literally non, Or they live a life where they have no choice but to work because they are the sole providers for their families.

Most women I know, me included, have MANY choices. I feel extremely lucky. Frankly, there are days when I feel I have to do it all and I hate those days. I am always trying to delegate things to others. I know I take on too much and then I regret all I have to do. I am aware that I am not curing cancer while trying to raise a family but I don't think it really matters. There are times when our lives, or the lives of those around us, call for us to make choices. Prioritize. Pick something over another. The key is we have the luxury of choice.  Many women do not.

What, I am afraid, we are guilty of is judging each other for the choices we make or don't make. This judgement stifles people into making or not making good choices. "What will people think of me if I do or don't do what they think I should or shouldn't be doing?" We are way to hard on ourselves and each other and we definitely don't support each other enough. Oh poor Anne-Marie Slaughter, she had to give up her "Dream Job." A high powered and profile job and trade it in for another high powered and profile job that offered her more time with her family. I say, "Congratulations" to her and, Wow, isn't she lucky to have had the choice."

I think of all the women in the world who are told that they can and cannot do simple things and they have no freedoms to do the things are are called to do. They have no ability to even find out what their dream job would be because they are not allowed to work outside the home.  I think of the women who have no choice but to work hard in service jobs or jobs that still don't give them equal pay because of their gender. I think of my mom who had no choice but to work hard to provide a good home, good food and good education for her daughters. People judged her for it and they judged us for having a "working mom" back in the day when mom's worked more in the home than outside of it.

Oh, I am not done yet. What's up with the need to have it all? What is "It All?" I guess if I have to ask I don't have it. But, I actually think I do because, again, I have choices. I know for some having it all means having what everyone else has. Well that's impossible. When did "Having Enough" get replaced with "Having it All", anyway?

Tom and Katie seemingly have their "Dream Jobs" and have "It All" and look where it got them. OUCH!



I say be kind to yourselves and to others for the choices that are made. I little less judgement can go a long way.

Magda

Give Up and Live

I am a serial horoscope reader and lover of inspirational quotes. There I said it. Both of these things give me pleasure and ground me in a weird sort of way. I find myself cutting out the really accurate horoscopes and I have books full of quotes. Why? Good question. I have no idea really. It's a habit that makes me feel better and gives me cause to think.

I want to share with you all a website I have found, www.purposefairy.com
I found this where all information is shared these days, Facebook (written with a tad bit of truthful sarcasm)
Here is one of their recent posts:

Give Up and Live
Give Up the Need to Impress Others
Give Up On Your Fears
Give Up Your Self-Defeating Talk
Give Up the Past
Give Up Living Your Life to Other Peoples Expectations
Give Up Complaining
Give Up Your Resistance to Change
Give Up the Luxury of Criticism
Give Up Labels
Give Up Your Limiting Beliefs

I think all of us have our own list of things to Give Up - those things that just don't work for us anymore. It's a good practice to take time and cleanse ourselves every now and then. I liken it to a 3-5 year business plan, it's always good to renegotiate things in business - Taking this practice into our personal lives gives us the opportunity to keep moving forward with a fresh attitude and a plan for leaving the dead weight behind.

It's liberating
Magda

Thank you Nora Ephron

I am sad to learn that Nora Ephron has left this earth. I am sad the way you are sad to hear a friend has gone. No, I was not friends with her nor did I ever have the chance to meet her but I am grateful for her life and feel her loss.  Nora Ephron was brave enough to speak the truth and talented enough to make us laugh.

We have recently been told we cannot have it all, in case you have been living under a rock check out Atlantic Monthly. Well Nora Ephron was a writer, director, mother, wife, there didn't seem to be much she couldn't do - and if she made a mistake doing it she seemed to try again, and again until she got it right, until she excelled at it, and some say she revolutionized and set the bar for many directors, screenwriters, essayists and novelists. She well may have had it all, at least she gave it her all.

She made me feel "normal". Her books and movies kept me company in lonesome times and on rainy Saturday nights.  I would be embarrassed to tell you how may times I have seen When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, and Julie and Julia.  I have seen them so many times, not because I am crazy or have a lot of free time on my hands, or simply always procrastinating,  but because the dialogue is so good I never tire of hearing it and the characters are people I could see myself being friends with, just like Nora Ephron.

Tom Hanks wrote, "She lifted us all with wisdom and wit mixed with love for us and love for life." Listen, if you don't believe me, you know Tom Hanks doesn't get it wrong. She overcame adversity in her life and made something of herself. She had spunk, and heart, and wasn't afraid to go for it, and to laugh at herself along the way.

In 1976 she told Newsday, I have always thought it was a terrible shame that the women's movement didn't realize how much easier it was to reach people by making them laugh than by shaking a fist and saying don't you see how oppressed you are."

Thank you, Nora Ephron, for making me laugh.

Magda
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2012/06/nora-ephron-1941-2012.html
http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/reference/timestopics/people/e/nora_ephron/index.html

Dog Days

Summer is one of those times when everlasting memories are made. It is a time when a person can return to things or places they may only experience in June, July and August.

"Dog Days" is used for the most sultry period of summer. The origin comes from earlier times and was used by observers living in countries bordering the Mediterranean Sea to describe the period of time that was 20 days before to 20 days after the conjunction of Sirius, the dog star, and the sun. And here I just thought it meant the time when the dog was the laziest because it was too hot to do anything in all that fur.

Here are some things that I love best about summer. Think of this list as a User's Guide to the Dog Days of Summer. Jump on in - relive the simple pleasures of your past or try something new - the water is cool.

1. The Beach -The smell of the tar on the boardwalk and French Fries, playing beach volleyball or beach bocce,  diving into the waves or riding them and the ding-ding of the boats at Funland.
2. The Pool - For floating on a raft, dunking in to cool off, doing handstands underwater, playing Marco Polo, or swimming laps - It's like a party everyday.
3. The County Fair - Two words - Funnel Cakes - Blue Ribbons - Fruit Pies - Monster Jam - Pick your poison.
4. Jigsaw Puzzles - All shapes and sizes.
5. Board Games - Even Chinese Checkers.
6. Lobster Rolls - Best and cheapest if eaten in Maine.
7. Summer Blockbuster's - Too hot to be outside - put on your favorite sweatshirt and catch a flick.
8. Hammock's - Under a shady tree with the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
9. Summer Reading - Trashy novels, wish lists, or school books - there is lots of time to sit and get lost in a good book.
10. Afternoon Thunder Storms - When you can see the steam coming off the street and maybe catch the glimpse of a rainbow.
11. Car Games and Sing A Longs - The Alphabet Game, Aunt Sally Went to the Market followed by a round of On Top of Spaghetti and 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.
11. Cool Treats - Ice Cream, Popsicles, Snow Cones and Clay Boys.
12. Maryland Crabs - THE BEST!
13. Rainy Day Movies - At home or in the theater.
14. Sprinklers - To water your garden, lawn, children and even you.
15. Time with family, friends, a good book, or alone - Hopefully, just a little extra time.

What's on your list?
Magda