No Judgement Here

I am still processing all the hoopla over Anne-Marie Slaughter's article in July's Atlantic Monthly about not being able to "Have it All" or "To Do it All." The whole concept of women needing to prove we can do it all or that anyone needs to have it all perplexes me. For the record, I am not judging her choices or her need to share her experiences. I just don't get it.

Why, you may ask, don't I get it? For me it is quite simple. If you have choices then you have it all. You can choose to do it all, or just do some of it, or do something one day and then do something else the next day, month, or year or not do anything. The key is you have a choice.

There are so many women in the world you have no choice over what they can do or can have. They either live in a culture where they are oppressed and have no real choices, literally non, Or they live a life where they have no choice but to work because they are the sole providers for their families.

Most women I know, me included, have MANY choices. I feel extremely lucky. Frankly, there are days when I feel I have to do it all and I hate those days. I am always trying to delegate things to others. I know I take on too much and then I regret all I have to do. I am aware that I am not curing cancer while trying to raise a family but I don't think it really matters. There are times when our lives, or the lives of those around us, call for us to make choices. Prioritize. Pick something over another. The key is we have the luxury of choice.  Many women do not.

What, I am afraid, we are guilty of is judging each other for the choices we make or don't make. This judgement stifles people into making or not making good choices. "What will people think of me if I do or don't do what they think I should or shouldn't be doing?" We are way to hard on ourselves and each other and we definitely don't support each other enough. Oh poor Anne-Marie Slaughter, she had to give up her "Dream Job." A high powered and profile job and trade it in for another high powered and profile job that offered her more time with her family. I say, "Congratulations" to her and, Wow, isn't she lucky to have had the choice."

I think of all the women in the world who are told that they can and cannot do simple things and they have no freedoms to do the things are are called to do. They have no ability to even find out what their dream job would be because they are not allowed to work outside the home.  I think of the women who have no choice but to work hard in service jobs or jobs that still don't give them equal pay because of their gender. I think of my mom who had no choice but to work hard to provide a good home, good food and good education for her daughters. People judged her for it and they judged us for having a "working mom" back in the day when mom's worked more in the home than outside of it.

Oh, I am not done yet. What's up with the need to have it all? What is "It All?" I guess if I have to ask I don't have it. But, I actually think I do because, again, I have choices. I know for some having it all means having what everyone else has. Well that's impossible. When did "Having Enough" get replaced with "Having it All", anyway?

Tom and Katie seemingly have their "Dream Jobs" and have "It All" and look where it got them. OUCH!



I say be kind to yourselves and to others for the choices that are made. I little less judgement can go a long way.

Magda